DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener... and requires you to read
the directions carefully before opening the can... Originally only came
in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However... the can is
divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed
separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going
to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer:
At first, came only in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical.
When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients
list is not on the can. If you call to ask about them you are told that
"you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag
your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer:
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like
Mac
Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer.. Claims that
it allows
you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality
you can only
drink a few of them, very slowly.. especially slowly if you
are drinking the
Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for
apparently no reason, a
can of Windows Beer will explode when you
open it.
OS/2 Beer:
Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers at the
same time... Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too,
but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you
open them... even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone
drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer... (Int. Beer Manufacturing)
claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.
Windows 95 Beer:
Not many have bought it yet but a lot of people have taste-tested it and
claim it's wonderful... The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes
more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look
inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will prob-
ably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends who try Windows
95 Beer, say they like it. The ingredients list.. when you look at the small
print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer... even
though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32-oz. cans... but you can only buy it by the truckload. This
causes most people to have to go out and buy... bigger refrigerators.
The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises
to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows
95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer... and
suggested only for use in bars.
Unix Beer:
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz.
Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty... even though they
claim that all the different brands taste almost identical... Sometimes
the "pop-tops" break off when you try to open them... so you have to
have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case
you either need a.. complete set of instructions... or a friend who has
been drinking Unix Beer for several years.
AmigaDOS Beer:
The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked
up by some weird German company.. so now this beer will be an import.
This beer never really sold very well because the original... manufacturer
didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an
extremely loyal and loud group... It originally came in a 16-oz. can... but
now comes in 32-oz. cans too... When this can was originally introduced,
it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over
the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only
meant for watching TV anyway.
VMS Beer:
Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and
sipping... However cans have been known on occasion to explode,
or contain extremely... un-beer-like contents... Best drunk in high
pressure development environments. When you call the manufact-
urer for the list of ingredients... you're told that is proprietary and
referred to.. an unknown listing in the manuals.. published by the
FDA. Rumors are that this was once listed in the Physicians' Desk
Reference as a tranquilizer, but no one can claim to have actually
seen it.
NOTE:
The biggest problem is before you can drink any one of them you
have to buy a really expensive bag of chips to go with it. |