All I Really Need To Know I Learned On The Internet
Peter van der Linden
All I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be,
I learned on Internet... Wisdom was not.. at the top of the graduate school
mountain, nor in the sandpile at Sunday school, but right there at the active
endpoint of a TCP/IP session. These are the things I learned:
1. Always log your terminal off when you leave, even if you're only going to
the bathroom for 5 minutes.
2. The only people who MAKE MONEY FAST on the Internet are those who
manufacture routers and disk drives.
3. The net's memory is no longer than its attention span, so if you wait a
little while you're sure to see the same thing go round again.
4. Some net-kooks are noisy, some net-kooks are stupid, and some net-
kooks are rude. But the ones who will flame you personally are the
net-kooks who are noisy, stupid AND rude.
5. C++ is a fairytale language. Unfortunately, the fairytale is not "The
Goose that laid the Golden Eggs", but rather "The Emperor has no
Clothes".
6. Not all moderators and FAQ-compilers eventually become power-
mad and insane. Some of them started out that way.
7. The net's memory is no longer than its attention span, so if you wait
a little while you're sure to see the same thing go round again.
8. If you're not sure about the facts when posting something, be louder
and more insistent to compensate... "Firm" beats
"factual"... Never
apologize, never explain, and never miss a chance to grind someone
else's error in their face. Laugh off your own mistakes as a deliberate
attempt at humor.
9. The opposite sex is really excited and turned on when you post words
and suggestions that you wouldn't use in face-to-face... conversation.
This is a really good way to pick up new friends.
Lewd 'n crude gets
laid 'n paid.
10. That early release of "rn" that prevented a posting unless it contained
more new lines than included lines, was actually a pretty good idea.
11. There's something odd about netters... who spend all day and night
staring at patterns on a crt... but criticize... the mindlessness of
TV.
Letterman top 10 lists, and Dave Barry
columns... get circulated on
the Internet, but no one broadcasts
"the best of rec.humor" on tv.
Thank God. Not yet at least.
12. Not all lists have to contain exactly 10 entries... despite what you
have seen on television. |