Service Rep: Hello, you have reached the HEART Systems Software 
help desk. How may I help you?

Customer: I just received your latest program, LOVE v4.0 you know
the FREE-ware. I don't understand it. Can tell me how to install it?

Service Rep: Sure thing ma'am,  Do you have the installation disk
and instructions with you?

Customer:  Yes I do... first can you tell me what the program does?

Service Rep: Sure thing ma'am...  LOVE is a unique program, there is
no other like it in the world...  LOVE attaches itself to your operating
system and runs silently in the background.. you will never see LOVE..
on your monitor or your toolbar, but you will notice its affect on every
application you may have.  It makes good programs run smoother and
greatly restricts and/or deletes the bad ones.

Customer:  That sounds great!  How does LOVE make my machine...
run smoother?

Service Rep: Well, it makes it run smoother with good sound files like
COMPLIMENT.WAV  ENCOURAGEMENT.WAV  and  KINDWORD.
WAV...  play frequently.  Also,  FORGIVENESS.EXE  will be invoked
every time there is an...  " external "  violation... including the forever
popular syntax errors.

Also...  all of those... aggravating errors that say "unable to connect" 
will be avoided.... LOVE allows for a smooth connection with external
devices...  regardless of what country it is manufactured in, the brand
name, or the age of the model.

Customer: That's exactly what I need.. my machine has been isolated 
for too long. But what about the bad programs?

Service Rep: Good question LOVE searches your memory for stored
programs like...  HATE.COM,   BITTERNESS.EXE ,  SELFISH.COM,
and  SPITE.EXE.  These programs...  can't be completely deleted off
your hard drive...  but LOVE overpowers...  those programs.  LOVE 
stops their commands from being executed and runs its own... set of
instructions.

You will no longer hear INSULT.WAV  and you wont be able to write
with the fonts...  " BADWORDS12 " or " HARSHNESS10 ".

Customer:  That's a fantastic program you have there...  Are the up-
grades free too?

Service Rep: They sure are ma'am.

Customer:  How do I get the upgrades?

Service Rep: That's easy...  Once you have LOVE installed...  and up
and running,  it automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to
every external Hard drive..  Email .. And.. Remote terminal (HEART)
that it comes in contact with.  Those external devices run whatever
version of LOVE they have and return a module to your HEART.

You will be upgraded with every module that you receive...  But you
have to remember... to receive the upgrades you have to be running
LOVE and you have to come into contact...  with other "computers"
while it is running.

Customer: I can do that... I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready
to install now.  What do I do first?

Service Rep: The first step is to open your HEART.  Have you been
able to locate your HEART ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have,  but there are several programs running right
now.  Is it okay to install while they are running?

Service Rep: What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let me see... I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE,
GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

Service Rep:  That's Not a problem... LOVE will.. automatically erase 
PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system.  It may remain in your permanent memory... but it won't disrupt other  programs. 

LOVE will eventually overwrite...  LOWESTEEM.EXE  with a module
of its own called  HIGHESTEEM.EXE.  However... you have to com-
pletely... turn off...  GRUDGE.EXE  and  RESENTMENT.COM.

Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you
turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Service Rep:  My pleasure ma'am. Go to your Start menu and invoke
FORGIVENESS.EXE...  Do this as many times as you need to... until 
GRUDGE.EXE  and  RESENTMENT.COM  have been erased.

Customer:  Okay...  I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself auto-
matically.  Is that normal?

Service Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall...  for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

Service Rep:  Yes, but you need to remember that you have only the
base program... You will need to begin connecting to other  HEARTs 
in order to get the upgrades.

Customer:  Oops... I have an error message already...  What should I
do?

Service Rep: What does the message say?

Customer:  It says " ERROR 412 -  Program NOT RUN ON Internal
Components ".  What does that mean?

Service Rep: Don't worry ma'am...  that's a common problem. It means
that the LOVE program is set up to run on external...  HEARTS but
has not yet been run on your HEART.

It is one of those complicated programming things, but In nontechnical
terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine be-fore it can
" LOVE " others.

Customer:  So what should I do?

Service Rep: Can you find the directory called SELF-ACCEPTANCE  

Customer: Yes, I have it.

Service Rep: Excellent, you're getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

Service Rep: Click on the following files...  and then copy them to the
" MYHEART " directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC,  SELFESTEEM.TXT,
REALIZEWORTH.TXT,  and  GOODNESS.DOC.

The system will overwrite any conflicting files... Also.. you will need to
delete  SELFCRITIC.EXE  from all directories, and then empty your
recycle bin after-wards to make sure it is completely gone and never
comes back.

Customer:  Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.
MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.
COM,  PEACE.EXE,  and  CONTENTMENT.COM are copying them-
selves all over my HEART!

Service Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able
to handle it from here.  One more thing before I go...

Customer: Yes?

Service Rep: LOVE is freeware...  Be sure to give it and it's various
modules to everybody you meet... They will in turn share it with other
people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will.  Thank you for your help.

     --Author Unknown--  sent to me from a listserve