"
I put the "fun" in dysfunctional "
-Anon |
|
|
"
All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you
would the Queen."
-Anon |
|
|
"
My Reality Check bounced ."
-Anon |
|
|
"
I get plenty of exercise - jumping to conclusions,
pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines
"
-Anon
|
|
"
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
"
-Anon
- |
|
"
Everyone
has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the
privilege."
-Anon
|
|
| "
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted "
--
Mae
West |
|
|
"
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if
you win,
you're still a rat "
--
Lily Tomlin
|
|
"
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing
sound they
make as they go flying by."
-Unknown |
|
|
"
Having an out of body experience. Back in five "
-
Anon
|
|
|
" We
have a strange and wonderful relationship.
You're strange and I'm wonderful"
--
Anon |
|
"
I'm not having hot flashes, I'm having power surges.
"
--
Anonymous
|
|
|
"
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a
perception problem"
~
Anon |
|
"
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the
sky and
I thought to myself, "Where the heck is
the ceiling?!"
"
- Anon |
|
"
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I will show you a man who can't get
his pants off"
--
Anon
|
|
"
I can please only one person per day. Today is not
your day.
Tomorrow isn't looking good either"
-- Anon
|
|
|
"
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize "
--
anon |
|
" Everybody repeat after me, "We are all individuals "
-Anon |
|
| "
Death to fanatics! "
- Anon
|
|
|
"
Guests who kill talk show hosts - on the last Geraldo "
--
Anon |
|
|
"
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said
something that
brought tears to my eyes. He said,
"No hablo ingles "
--
Ronnie Shakes |
|
|
"
Status quo: Latin for the mess were in "
--
Anon |
|
"
How
much money did you make last year? Mail it
in "
--
Simplified
tax form |
|
|
"
When you go into court you are putting your fate into
the hands of
twelve people who weren't smart enough to
get out of jury duty"
-
Norm Crosby |
|
|
"
Weather forecast for tonight: dark."
--
George
Carlin |
|
|
"
To get back on your feet, miss two car payments "
--
anon |
|
|
"
How many believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands ."
-
anon
|
"
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars
in the universe... and he'll
believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on
it and he'll have
to touch it. "
--Jaeger |
|
|
"
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and
call whatever you
hit the target."
--Ashley Brilliant |
|
|
"
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned
everything.
You only have to remember it. "
-- George Burns |
|
|
|
"
Ooops. My brain
just hit a bad sector." -Anon |
